Not Your Call……..

The basics of life are taught at a tender age. Right from wrong,truth from lies, respect from rudeness and Morality & immorality isn’t left out as well. How to dress, how to address & to be addressed. Still we all end up growing into a variety of persons and personalities.

Then you wonder why that young woman is tongue lashing. Why that boss is so rude.  Why that usher is very arrogant. Why that customer is an irate being. Why doesn’t he own a car at his age. Why she is single & not bothered. Why he lives with parents at his age.

No one gets a manual on life and it expected courses at birth. Only time bake us into who we are and what we become. The prostitute on the street was born a virgin. The prisoner behind bars was born a free man. Yes, maybe you turned out right in the face of difficulties But life doesn’t always present to us all the option of choosing between right & wrong.

Yes you have dignity, integrity & respect But who knows her story? Just maybe it was a hard choice between life, death & honor. So the next time you’re tempted to judge & condemn, think, rethink and think again. You never know the story behind the story.

Drop the act of judging and condemning, it is not your call BUT God’s…………………

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The Time Keeper……

Okay ladies, it is high time we put an end to this monitoring spirit flying around because it so archaic & rude. I mean who does that?? Asking your single friend when she’s getting married despite knowing relationship status?? 

You can’t even say hello to single sisters in your worship centre without rubbing it on their face. And that relative of yours avoid you like leprosy at family events because your have turned yourself to a calendar reminding her of her age & how time flies for women.

Your colleagues can’t even nurse a relationship opinion or contribute to marital related advice because you believe she isn’t qualified and never will be as long as she’s not married?? Madam If you fall in this category of time keeping, you are a witch.

Yes! A first class witch at that. You are one of the reasons why women settle for less than they deserve. Do you even know the emotional damage your speech can cause the recipient?? 

Marriage is not salvation,Stop shoving it down people’s throat as if it is. If only you could preach gospel the way you do marriage, then the world would be a better place already.

Keep your time keeper reminder to yourself, you are not God’s PA…………

The Perfect Gift…….

Love is an extremely strong emotional term and there are a thousand & one ways to express it. One of the oldest form of expression that tend to have survived the test of time is the exchange of love notes & poems. 

They remain a perfect rescue in moments we fall short of words. However, words that comes from the mouth can please the recipient for a while but words penned down have a lasting effect on the heart and same goes to the actions. 

Valentine is a one day event, set aside for celebrating affections. You probably won’t recall the details in few months. I bet you’d blab if asked to narrate your valentine two/three years ago. Even your recipient might change over time Or worse forget the intense emotion shared but what is never forgotten is the gift you dish out to people around you everyday.

A smile for that beggar on your street will be treated as gold. Affection for that maid in your home, that’s irate colleague at work (despite being impossible). The hawker on the street, the angry neighbour, co-passenger lost in thoughts, the cleaner with a tired look and many more. 

The gift of a smile is an expression that can’t be mistaken. Perfectly understood and appreciated even from a distance. And sometimes be just what the recipient need to start a good day or mend a bad one.

The beauty of giving lies not in one day occurrence but in an everyday effort to make someone smile. Give a smile today to someone who won’t forget.

Give a smile everyday!!!

Who You Really Are…

Marriage & Companionhip

We always have a ready made answer for these regular questions on who we are, who we want to be BUT the truth is we don’t really know who we are until we find ourselves in a union.

Our responses to marital stories is evident on the subject. We share what we think we will do with respect to situations. The kind of wife we intend to be. The kind of husband we have in plan. A wife material Italian fabric or even 100yrds husband material.

But the most appalling truth is you don’t know who you really(with respect to personality) are until you’re married. Hot or cold, mild or wild as the case may be, Marriage can easily bring out the beast you never met or an angel you always knew.

It tells you who you really are, teaches you more about you & forces you to listen. It changes you by bringing to your consciousness the excesses you never knew. It breaks & re-bake you into a finer spice and better flavor. Provides you with all that is needed to become you.

Marriage is an institution where we learn,unlearn and relearn. The only institution with the fastest learning process and the best assimilation rate. It forces you to listen, forces you to assimilate as well.

So are you a king with the best ace in the race OR a queen with a flawless trait? Perhaps a princess with the heart of a lion. Maybe a prince firmly seated on a horse.

No don’t answer. Not just yet. You will meet you when you are when the time is ripe.

The Truth We were Never Told

MARRIAGE & COMPANIONSHIP(5)………..

A notable marriage fact that you’d hardly hear from anyone is that you’ll always love your spouse (especially in the case of women). You will always love your husband BUT there will be times when you don’t like him at all. 

Yes i know, it is something you can’t imagine or comprehend at the moment but there will be moments when you just don’t dig your spouse for reasons. Moment when his cuteness (or whatever it is that thrills you)won’t gel & this is a practical fact any premarital counseling won’t cover.

Marriage is hard, one of the hardest form of commitment in existence. Take a look at it. Friendship is open (you can have a thousand of it at a go). Motherhood is a bond and no two way. Fatherhood is exceptional and brotherhood is hardly different but marriage is. 

Two people from different background & beliefs, different upbringing & values,trying to do life together is always hard. Be prepared & don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I have had a case of a husband who likes pastry tomato in all his meal and that sounded abnormal to his wife. Beans, porridge, egg, moimoi (name it). It is just not tasty without tomato paste. You can bet his mama cooks that way and wife couldn’t fathom. Imagine that causing a heat. 

You will always love your spouse but there will be times when you just don’t like him/her. Through understanding and commitment, you will pull through all seasons.

A Gift Of Grace……

MARRIAGE & COMPANIONSHIP(4)

There are rules & guidelines in achieving a successful union. Factors that make it healthier & those that make it sickening. Things that strengthen a union and a number of dont(s) that weakens it.

We come across them everyday. We read about them. Some of us are even trained to help learn and relearn on how to grow stronger in union BUT in the end, marriage is a gift of grace we don’t all equally share.

Yes you heard right. A gift of grace we all won’t equally share. Some of us live in it while some of us struggle to live through it. Understand that counseling and tips truly helps but in the end, it takes two to mingle & it takes two to tangle. 

A successful marriage is not without effort, discipline & sacrifice  and a unique amount of these are required from both parties to achieve result. When the effort is one sided, the battle is as good as lost.

So irrespective of tips, always remember that marriage is a gift of grace. Not by might but pure grace. Be thankful, be grateful & never judge those on the other side………..

Our Marriage,Their Wedding

MARRIAGE & COMPANIONSHIP (3)

Family bonding/infusion is usually a delicate stage that follows spouse selection in marriage decision and a level of understanding is required from you as a partner to make this work.

A yoruba adage says “bi a shey nshey ni ile wa, eewo ibomi ni” {the cultural norms of one family might be an abomination in another family}. Couples that understand this tend to conquer the family fusion stage without any itch. Note that sometimes a child is not a replica of her parents belief & ideology, so his/her personality might not reflect the family values.

The wedding processes is usually hijacked and controlled by the couple’s family. This is not unusual, as a matter of fact it is their right(most likely the last right they will be exacting on you both), so let them have it. They will control the process and decide how they want it to go. Especially (but not limited to) the bride’s family…….hmm my Igbo sisters can relate. Yorubas nkor! they know how it gets.

What to do?

First, keep your cool and become your spouse’s advocate in a not-rude way. As the bride-to-be,know that you are his spokesperson in your family and as the groom, ensure you remain her lawyer in yours. Defend her in a not-rude way. Speak for him in a SOFT but FIRM way.

Understand that they are family and you will always need them. That it is a delicate stage in the marriage process & the way you dress it is the way you will be addressed henceforth. That it is YOUR marriage to enjoy forever but their WEDDING to enjoy for a day. 

Enjoy your day!!!!

Marriage & Companionship (2)

Love Is Never Enough…………

I refuse to subscribe to the stereotyped mindset we were raised with by the society that made us believe that Love is all you need in the subject of marriage. However, I do agree that Love is a key necessity but on the contrary, it is never enough a factor in choosing a life partner.

When choosing your spouse, there are a number of factors to consider aside the emotional attachment, some of which shall be treated below.

Connection : Your ability to readily connect with your spouse easily without extra effort. This connectivity plays a key role in fusing the bond in the face of distractions.

Communication: Ensure you maintain a free flow communication even in your spouse’s absence. This will in turn help eradicate distance barrier  when faced with location/destination challenges. A good example is couples that engage in phone sex when apart.

Passion: there is need for spouse’s passion to be in a reasonable level with yours so as to aid passion infusion. If you are career inclined for instance, you would most likely be best with a career driven partner.

Intellect: How often do you feel stupid around your partner? If you constantly feel the need to weigh your idea and speech before you share with your spouse out of the fear of being criticized or looked down upon by your partner, then you may want to double check. 

Standard check: the saying that love is blind proved true in union & relationships. As a result, people tend to forgo their standards for emotional attachment & reasons. There is need to ensure that a %age of your standard is substantial in your choice of spouse.

Self honesty: while leniency &a little compromise is smart, self honesty on top qualities that intrigues you must be maintained in your choice. If having a rich spouse is your priority,try not to settle for less out of societal pressure or critique. Don’t settle for a plump churchy If a fine face hot figure is your Achilles heels. Self denial is disastrous.

Financial competence, religious and cultural balance must be put in check where needed. Respect is key and reciprocal, ensure your spouse understands and knows how to respect you (in your own definition of respect). 

All in all, ensure a level of uniformity in your interest & beliefs with respect to that of your partner.

Marriage & Companionship..

The origin of man states that when God created Adam, he felt the need to make him a companion & there came Eve, made from his side bone.  

Note that the human body comprises of 270bones(at birth) located in different parts of the body. From arms to the head and the legs, yet God chose the rib bone to create Eve.

Their life in the garden never depicted Adam being subjected to Eve or vice versa. It rather shows two free will being in companionship. That explains why the rib bone was preferred to every other bones in the creation of Eve. It shows the purpose behind the creation of Eve & the purpose behind marriage.

Dear Man, 

Your Eve was created from your side bone to stand & walk tall by you in companionship. Not from your head bone to rule over you or your leg bone for you to trample upon. 

She belongs to your side in companionship & your bed for pleasure not pressure. She is the intermediary that connects your body frame. The discomfort  you get if your side organ is moved to your feet region is the same you receive when you decide to trample upon your rib. 

Your ribs are delicate & important, so is your Eve. Place her where she ought to be.

Holy Matrimony….

I have loved weddings since I was a child & it remains my favourite of all occasions even as an adult. Probably the only event whose invite I honor.

I remember sitting in the crowd wondering what goes on in the mind of the couple while everyone merry. I tried to understand the excitement in the heart of many while they take the vow……..well my curiosity was satisfied when i took mine.

There is a reason it is called holy matrimony. A sacred union between two people before men & God. The powerful oat to stay holy (true & firm) in the face of unholiness. 

It is almost like setting on a journey in a ship as either the captain behind the wheel or just a crew member. The journey is long, the ocean is vast with so much tides & turbulence. Sometimes the current is in our favour & sometimes against us. Imagine your tiny ship on an ocean where the destination isn’t in sight & you have long left the harbour. 

When we take the oat, we owe it to God to keep our part of the oat. It really doesn’t matter who hit the ship on the bergs, the ship goes down once there is a leakage BUT it matters in the eyes of God who let the ship hit the iceberg. Either the captain or the crew, God’s interest lies in both Jack & Rose. Reason why the innocent mostly get a safe landing.

Know that it is called Marriage (marri-age) because it is a union that ought to age(last for ages). So it isn’t only important to drive your Titanic to safety but also ensure that the leakage doesn’t come from your side of the ship. That way, the rescue team might just arrive before your part of the ship goes down.

Happy New calendar & all the best.