Art of confession

Recent statistics has shown that men tell more lies than women but while the former take the lead in terms of ‘quantity’, the latter can’t be won over or underestimated when it comes to ‘quality’. When people are asked about their dislikes and I hear them mention ‘lies’ as one of them, I’d be like ‘really? Because you just did.’

In my opinion, everybody lies, for different reasons though, especially in a relationship. Some for good reasons and some for bad. However, a lie is a lie irrespective of the reason or motive. There are two categories of lies:
1) Necessary lies/White lie
2) Blatant lies/Real lies

Necessary lies are those told out of compulsion to protect either yourself or the recipients from the hurt of reality. This kind of lies are usually harmless and told for purposes that speaks more for the recipient than the ‘liar’ (teller). They’re mostly selfless. Take for instance, having to tell an ugly friend she’s pretty when asked, is a necessary and healthy lie, as you have succeeded in:
A. Fueling her self esteem and helping the human race create another self-confident person which is good for development.
B. Ridding yourself off loosing a friend and gaining an additional enemy. Trust me, the world is full of people wanting to bring you down and you don’t wanna add someone new to the list (crew).

Real lies on the other hand are told for selfish reasons of protecting one’s self and are usually kept secret for security or peace keeping purposes.

Apparently, men tend to do much of the white lies than the other OR should I say women are smart enough to depict their men’s lies while they pretend to believe it. Considering they’re fairly judged and the societal norm favors their act in terms of condemnation. They hardly feel guilt, at least not enough in quantity to make them wanna spill. So should your man decides to come clean of his lies and sins out of his own goodwill without being caught, you should throw him a party and celebrate his holiness with/in grace (lol).

Women on the other hand, tend to fall in both categories of lies, with the latter higher than the former, the quality of lies told by women can’t be undermined. The fact that they’re harshly judged by the society makes it easier to tell these lies and keep secrets way more than men. This factor thus encourages them to let it remain a secret for ‘forever’ unless when caught or the truth unveils. So, if your woman decides to come clean to you about the; lies she’s told, sins she’s committed, secrets she has buried, there is need to cut her some slacks and be more understanding in such situation, no matter the weight or depth of the lies. WHY??

Coming out clean is an art of confession which indicates the admission or acknowledgment of her wrong as well as her guilt of the crime. It shows her bitterness, her remorseful state and willingness to turn a new leave. It’s a noble act in the world of secrets, especially that of women in a society where they are easily judged or condemned, treat it as an honor that its actually is. It means she has come to terms with her obligation to be the woman she ought to be with you. It’s a bold step that requires lot of courage and determination for execution, considering what is at stake. Such a giant step by a truth toddler needs a bit of encouragement in other to keep threading the path of truth. Rejection will never make such feet firm.

I know no form of lie is justifiable but you’d agree with me that some are acceptable while others are forgivable.

What lies behind those lies she told, either selfish or selfless, is a strong emotions that led to the fear of loosing or hurting what she considers very dear -YOU.

And that ‘You’,have the right to be angry but also the choice to forgive and the chance to give it another shot. You won’t only be forgiving, but also, giving more room for her to share with you her darkest secrets.

Besides, A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets,only a wise man can swim through.



Waving the Peace Flag

There are a million words behind her silence, make her spit it out.

In relationships, it is a known fact that women like to talk about what they feel when they feel it. They like to complain when things aren’t right, to ask questions again and again even if they were certain of the answers. To have chitchats all night despite having nothing to say. Just wanting to be heard, even if they have no point. Wanting you to talk about things they crave hearing, like how much you love or miss them, how glad you are/feel that you met them, how grateful you are for having them (even though they are fully aware of it).

These could be annoying and tasking for most men, especially the busy ones with lot of dedications, who expect their partners to see how they feel irrespective of their busy-ness. It is just a simple need of assurance, of security, the need to feel needed, to feel special & important to a rare gem. SADLY, nobody has a perfect relationship and there are/will always be days that you argue and fight but the moment your woman is all quiet, not speaking, not questioning or arguing like she used to, be rest assured she is most likely raising the *PEACE FLAG*.

Peace flag sounds like a cool thing, who wouldn’t think it is? Considering the magnitude of the word peace behind it, but is it a cool thing for relationships to grow? I’ll say yes, it could be but no, it is not.

‘Peace flag’ as used in ancient times to avoid wars or stop an on-going war in the form of “white flag” is an act of submission which involves giving in to somebody, something or a situation. It is a flat or truce/surrender. It is good because it helps to avoid unnecessary quarrels in relationships as well as resolve matters quickly however, the implication of the PEACE FLAG in relationships can’t be overrated.

Raising the P flag is like cleaning up a freshly deep cut with treatment without tending a stitch. Not only will another bruise reopen it, it also could get infected. It involves letting topics/mistakes slide under the carpet in other to avoid arguments for the moment. It could be to avoid being called a nag but it sure is neither forgotten nor forgiven. It stays right there in the heart for continuous growth and spreads like cancer.

There is need to note that a relationship isn’t a war zone. It is all about having a partner who is willing to WIPE your tears and HOLD your hands despite a fight. A partner who will not walk away from you no matter how rough/ difficult things get and to achieve this, there is need to not only take note of the ‘peace flag’ but also ensure it’s never raised/used as a medium of resolution.

The peace on the flag isn’t real, it isn’t surrendering in solemn agreement/defeat but it is retreating to fight another day with a better weapon (past unsettled mistakes) in hand.

So don’t be deceived by that peace flag, there are a million words behind the silence, make her spit it out!


The Sacrifice

Often times, men mistake their duties to their family for a favour, therefore, treating their responsibilities as a husband and father like a noble act of alms giving. The reason can’t be far fetched in a society where women are seen as subject of men especially in the African context where they (women) are culturally believed to be the subordinate/inferior to men. This view and way of life has been highly respected due to its positive result overtime, hence, the possible effect shouldn’t be ignored as well.

According to the definition of man – an adult male – a man is expected to be physically grown and morally developed with attributes of maturity in order to be able to accept the responsibilities that come with adulthood. Unless a man becomes a man by pouring forth positive actions effortlessly and responding to situations in appropriate manner which include making conscious decisions to effect positive change, he might never be able to differentiate ‘duties’ from ‘favour’. Duties are things you are accountable and/or questionable for. They are the moral/legal obligations & required actions expected of your position as a man/husband. Favour on the other hand is a thing you decide to do out of good will or mercy.

The inability to understand/differentiate these two has made men treat their obligations as an act of generosity these past years thereby promoting the rampant abuse of power in many homes. As a result, women are judged as good/bad using how much of these maltreatment she takes as a yard stick. Especially in places where customs sees women as inferior to men and expect them (women) to worship the ground their husband walks. This trend has made the titles “good woman” & “sweet mother” appear so great that people tend to easily forget the amount of sacrifices that comes with the honour. Her dreams and aspirations, the childhood imagination of becoming somebody, the teenage fantasy of happily ever after, the loss of ‘girlhood’ life of doing things at will for the ‘womanhood’ life of doing things in need along with all the wishes bottled up for your own dreams to live. There is need for you as her man or child to understand that it is a long list of preferences slaughtered for your needs, dreams & want,all for those titles “good woman & sweet mother”.

We all know it is tasking to be a man and stay a man by providing for your home and more but men, next time you want to discharge your duties as if it be a favour, take a minute, take a moment in your heart and ask yourself as a child ~ What exactly did she give up for me? As a husband ~ what exactly is she giving up for “us”?

This article is neither a battle nor a competition but an eye opener to help see what those “real” women gave up. If by chance you have any woman with that title “good woman” and/or “sweet mother” around you OR you have women in your life with those Honour(s), take time out to say to them ‘Gracias’ a thousand times.

Always remember that women are pillars and men the foundation of that place you call home but without those pillars there is no home.

It’s @Mildbutwild3 on twitter